you are on time

but on your time, not theirs

Since I’m in an introspective phase of my life, I’ve been listening to more podcasts. Actually, I was listening to one earlier today, and I wanted to take notes and highlight so many parts that I ended up writing in a notebook - something I hadn’t done in a long time. And I had a lot of opinions about it, so here we are :)

btw, the podcast is an interview Jay Shetty did with Naara Smith (yes, the influencer that cooks from scratch), and here’s the link if you haven’t heard it - I loved it.

Because I’ve taken a more “unconventional” or non-traditional path, there are a lot of things I tend to question. But sometimes, it’s not just me doing the questioning - it’s also about how people, whether they know me or not, perceive my choices. I’ll explain.

The other day I went to the dentist. In between the uncomfortable part where she’s asking me questions and I can’t answer because my mouth is wide open with instruments inside, she asks how long my partner and I have been together. I proudly said: “9 years.” I had a front-row seat to her facial expression the moment I said it, and then she answered, “That’s a LOT. What are you waiting for?”

It’s always the same story. We try to convince ourselves - and society - that we’ve progressed, that we’re evolving and adapting to the times, but there are still so many outdated things happening, as if it were 30+ years ago. Just because I was lucky enough to find my person early doesn’t mean I have to do everything early. I don’t feel the need to get married right now - maybe not ever. Who knows? But it’s still “the traditional thing to do”: get married, have kids, buy a house, take care of grandchildren, repeat. Some people choose to get married three months after meeting someone - and that’s fine. But it’s not any more valid than being in a 9+ year relationship that doesn’t follow that timeline. And it’s like that in so many areas of life.

“You’re supposed to spend your 20s partying, dating, drinking - so you figure out what you want in your 30s.”
Well, that’s not my case. And proudly so. I made the choice to start building a relationship very early on, and that doesn’t mean I should be judged - or that I’m “carrying my wedding dress in my purse,” or that I’m “going to die waiting for a proposal.” It’s not that my boyfriend “doesn’t love me enough but doesn’t know how to say it.” People talk so much about marriage nowadays - didn’t you know that before saying that to me?

I simply decided to invest in us. To spend my 20s growing with someone, learning about each other, and choosing one another, day by day.

The thing is, I used to explain myself. I’d say, “Yeah, but we haven’t lived together,” or “It’s just not our priority.” But honestly, people always have so much to say when I mention how long we’ve been together:

“You should get a dog, that’s the perfect way to know if he’s going to be a good dad.”
“Why don’t you get married?”
“Why don’t you buy a house?, renting it’s the worse thing you can do with your money”
“What are you waiting for? weddings take time to organize you know”
”What’s the next step in your relationship if it’s not getting married? when are you having kids?”

Susan, I think my next step is to try to survive the next day - and that’s it. There’s nothing else planned after that.

Eventually, I stopped explaining myself. Because people have very strong opinions, and most of the time, they’re not interested in hearing the actual reasons behind your decisions. They just want to say their opinion and walk away thinking they “helped.” As if their comment is going to magically make me rethink my whole life.

And for a while, it really got to me. I started wondering if maybe I was wasting time. But one day my boyfriend said to me:

“Why are you wasting time answering to a wall that doesn’t want to hear the reasons behind it all?”
“Why do you keep trying to change people’s opinions of you?”
“Why are you giving energy to people who, let’s be honest, are already back on their phone the moment they finish their sentence?”

I’m trying to live with the fact that everyone has opinions, and that they shouldn’t affect me when they comment on my life. And I’m also trying to be on my own - not change because of what people say. Because I think that’s the main reason I keep paying attention to those comments: I try to be the perfect person everyone likes. And that just sucks, and it’s exhausting.

So every time I feel like those voices are getting louder, I try to think of those questions. And remind myself that their opinions wouldn’t actually change even if I answer them something like, “Why don’t you do all those things you think I should be doing?”
Maybe they can buy the houses and get married and dress like a “lady” and stop trying to change or involve themselves in my life - when I didn’t even ask them :)

Anyway, hopefully you’ll listen to the podcast. There are some things she says that I still don’t believe, but who am I to judge, right?

Thank you for reading,

Cheers!